SPEAKER_01 0:00

Jesus really actually models for us the fact that questions rather than perhaps just direct teaching or direct answers or direct advice is actually what's going to cause someone to learn, to reflect, to connect. We connect through questions.

SPEAKER_00 0:31

Hey team, welcome back to Team Not Tired. I'm Shireen Crawford. And I'm Ashley Earwood. And we are so excited that you are here. We have another awesome topic that we're going to just jump right in. And I'm very curious about what we're going to be talking about today.

SPEAKER_01 0:50

Today we're talking about asking better questions. Hmm. Okay. And Shireen, I know that you and I, we get to have a lot of conversations with a lot of different types of people.

SPEAKER_00 1:01

A lot of types of people, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:03

I don't know if you have the same takeaway as I do, but I find, especially with new people and small talk, and you know, when you're the art of small talk. The art of small talk. There are a lot of people who are not good at asking questions. Yes. There are a lot of people in this world. I hope our listeners are like, yes, because there are so many people in this world that are really great at talking about themselves, but they're not so great at learning about other people. And the only way to do that, the only way to grow in connection and intimacy with someone is to ask questions. And I think as a whole, we need to be asking better questions.

SPEAKER_00 1:48

I would agree. And I hope it's like one of those, like I, period, would, period, agree. Period. But what does that look like? Because I feel like conversations, yes, we do talk a lot with a lot of different people. And is the beautiful bridge. And I find that people just don't have a lot of questions in their arsenal because they are very much into responding. Yes. Instead of, hey, tell me a little bit more about that. And so help us. What does that look like?

SPEAKER_01 2:32

Well, I I would go to a basic like a basic starting point, and I'll use an example as being a parent, right? I read a lot. Maybe you've seen stuff like this where it's like, I just can't get my kid to talk to me. Well, it's because when they get in the car at the end of a school day, you say, How is your day? Yeah. Fine. Yeah. And then you complain that you you you can't get anything else out of them. Well, it's because you're not asking better questions. Yes. You know, you the the art of asking a better question is to get the person to engage and actually have to think and process in a way that they're going to have a better response. And so asking a question like, who did you sit with at lunch today? And not even like a yes or no type of answer. Yeah, an open-ended question. Hey, where what was a moment today that you felt nervous? Because then your kid can actually think through their day. And even if they don't actually answer your question, they're thinking through enough that something else is going to come out and start a better conversation. And then you have an opportunity for connection because then you can go, oh, I totally know what that feels like, but I was nervous today too when I did it. You know? Yeah. And now you're in a greater conversation. And I think that we just miss those moments where we ask, we don't ask open-ended questions and we don't ask questions that require the other person to actually do some evaluation. And I I heard this, I have loved this. I'm I'm so into asking questions. I'm so into like just the art of conversation and communication. You know this.

SPEAKER_00 4:12

Like this is my I think area of study really great at a what is it, a director of communications, something like that. There's the title out there that I think you might have.

SPEAKER_01 4:26

It's just in me. I can't help it. But I think back to like when I started studying communications, I wanted to be a journalist because I loved asking questions. I even the the I always tell people my the favorite part of my job right now is when I get to interview people for testimony video because I get to ask them questions that help them tell the story of what God's done in their life. Yeah. Like I just can't think of anything better. But I I came across this article the other day that said Trader Joe's, we all love Trader Joes. Yes, yes, we do. And it it was fascinating to me because it talked about how their employees are trained specifically and required to ask two questions anytime they're working checkout of their customer. And it's not, how's your day going? Yeah, it's not that. It's specifically, and they're like graded on this, they're evaluated on this. This is how deep this, like two questions. The lore goes deep. This is real behind the scenes Trader Joe's guys. But they're required to say, what are you doing the rest of the day? Because that's gonna develop a conversation that leads to much more than just how's your day going? Right. Right. Because it's really easy to be like, fine. Exactly. Conversation done. But if somebody asks you, what are you doing the rest of the day, or what are you doing the rest of the weekend? Then you have to actually sit and think and you're required to respond and start a conversation. And then the next thing is they're they're required to comment on something, a product in the person's cart. And either like compliments, say, Oh, I love this too, or oh, I haven't tried this yet. Yeah. What did you, why, what made you pick this? Yeah. And again, it's these like conversation starters of just asking the art of asking better questions can lead to so much more connection and so much more opportunity for intimacy and actually letting people feel seen. Seen. And I think, you know, as a parent, I try to do this. As a leader and a coach, yeah, I try to do this. I know you try to do this too, is the the art of saying less and asking more. Yeah. I've I'm learning even like in real time right now as a supervisor of holding back advice. Yes, the advice monster. Yes. And instead asking people questions that are gonna allow them to learn for themselves.

SPEAKER_00 7:01

Yes. That self-res revelation is so key in in leadership, but just also in like connection and just encouraging them to be curious and asking questions. Yep.

SPEAKER_01 7:16

And that starts with us, right, as modeling it and learning the art of asking better questions. And so I just I see Jesus do this so much in the gospels. Yes. I don't know if this has ever stood out to you, but I did a little deep dive. And when I say deep dive, I mean Google. Yeah, I mean that's fine.

SPEAKER_00 7:38

So it is a deep dive these days, as Blake tells me, as he's a professional Googler. You could put that on a resume.

SPEAKER_01 7:49

Absolutely. I found out that Jesus was asked approximately 183 questions by people, like recorded in the Gospels. And he usually responded with a counter question. Yeah. So he was the art at like dodging, dodging the answer and answering the question with another question. With a question. Because he actually only answered three. I was gonna say, like, it's very few that he was like, yeah. So I mean the odds of that he was asked 183 questions and he only directly answered three of them. So maybe, maybe let's not model in that way. But it says he's recorded asking 307 questions throughout his ministry. So I think Jesus really actually models for us the fact that questions rather than perhaps just direct teaching or direct answers or direct advice is actually what's gonna cause someone to learn, yeah, to reflect, to connect. We connect through questions. And I I'm fascinated by this. And I this is something that I'm actively trying to cultivate in my life. But it's it's hard when it's one-sided.

SPEAKER_00 9:14

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 9:16

Which is like I think it's why I love like being your friend and having conversations with you, because it's fun when you can be with someone who mute mutually wants to learn and reciprocate interest.

SPEAKER_00 9:28

Yeah, because I I think when it is one-sided, there's not a lot of depth to it, and you keep kind of finding yourself grasping at like, oh, tell me more, and you know, everyone's willing to talk about themselves, and then it's like that awkward pause of like, do you continue the conversation or do we not continue to engage? But I think that's just like on an inner personal connection level, but then also like you mentioned being a leader. I mean, I literally found myself telling this to my team the other day of like, I need you to think for yourself, and I need you to ask these, you know, let's just start with these three questions every time you meet with a leader, or you know, like are you a naturally curious person? And they're like, Well, what do you mean? And I was like, it's not a trick question, guys. Like, I you know, but just to your point, very few people are willing to have what I call like a belly-to-belly conversation instead of we're on our cell phones, we're texting, we're behind a screen, we're engaging on social media, and then when we get in person, it's like doo doo doo. It's very bizarre. And so, like with Jesus modeling this, like, what are I'm sure you have a lot of arsenal in in your in your belt, but like what where do we go from here? What do we do?

SPEAKER_01 11:14

I think I think there's two things I would I would want us to walk away with from the conversation today. And the first would just be to grow, grow in our humility. Because I think it requires a level of humility to put your own agenda aside and instead show care through conversation. Yeah. And I think the the better question askers we can become, the more connection we're gonna have accessible to us. Because like to me, questions show care. I cannot tell you how many times I have come home as a ministry leader or a pastor and somebody asked me out to coffee. This is like, you know, behind the curtain real talk right now. But I've the real tea. I've had, yes, this is the this might belong on the things we're tired of episode. But I can't tell you how many times I've been like invited to coffee with someone, right? And I'm coming in with this expectation of like, oh, I'm gonna make a new friend. That's just how I approach life. Like, oh, she wants to get to know me. And instead, it's an hour of me asking her questions or me listening to her. And I've left and I remember coming home several times, and you know, Paul going, Oh, how was it? And me going, she didn't ask me a single thing about myself. Yeah, and so you leave that interaction feeling unseen, used, right? Like, yeah, like all of these things, and it's like all it takes is a couple questions, right? To make me feel like there's a mutual interest.

SPEAKER_00 12:56

Raider Joe's figured it out.

SPEAKER_01 13:00

If nothing else, like just put that in your pocket. That's right. Rip it out. What are you doing the rest of the day? Like, we can all live there. But but I would really encourage everyone just from basic human decency to really grow in our humility, to recognize that conversations should not be centered around ourselves. I agree. If if we're carrying Jesus with us, he was the best question asker. Yeah, he was 300, yeah. Like he showed care for the people around him, even though he was literally the only person on earth that we really should have been listening to and wanting to hear from. And yet he was always asking questions. Yeah. And so I just think we can model that in our lives and in our relationships. But I also think there's opportunity for us to model that with God, like being asking better questions of God in terms of our intimacy with him and our prayer life. Because I find in, you know, we've been in this sermon series at our church through 1 Samuel. And we're we're studying, and so I'm I'm getting ahead, and I'm actually in 2 Samuel now in my personal study, and I just see this juxtaposition of Saul and David, and who were these incredible leaders who are both anointed to be king. And yet in Saul's description in 1 Chronicles, he, you know, in his obituary, he just really just spectacularly fails as the first king of Israel because he sins against the Lord and he allows pride in. And in his, you know, quote unquote obituary in 1 Chronicles, it says that he did not inquire of the Lord.

SPEAKER_00 14:55

Mic draw. Like that is so incredible. And you see that manifest in in his kingdomship of every time he had an opportunity to do that. Yeah, he didn't.

SPEAKER_01 15:11

And I and I can only imagine like what it must have felt like to be anointed as the first king. To go, oh, I'm anointed, like I'm good. I don't have to do the work now, right? Because I've already been identified by God. And yet he allowed arrogance to come in, he relied on his anointing instead. And I think I just I just see that he lost his awe of God. And instead, then we see David, who is the man after God's heart, right? The anointed, you know, the king, the the lineage to, you know, he's just this incredible character of the Bible. I found out that he's he's the only man in the Bible that's mentioned the most behind Jesus. Behind Jesus, yeah. You know, so like just so much of the Bible is dedicated to David. And it says he nine times is recorded as inquiring of the Lord. Yeah. And so I see David was a really good question ask. Yeah. He was always asking the Lord, should I do this? Should I fight these guys? Yeah, should I go here? Should I stay back? You know, and he wasn't a perfect man. But when you put him up against Saul and you see, oh, I took the kingdom away from Saul because he didn't inquire of the Lord, he didn't ask better questions, he didn't ask the right questions of the Lord. But David knew to ask God.

SPEAKER_00 16:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:46

And when he did, God answered literally every time.

SPEAKER_00 16:50

Every single time. Even when he told him no, he still answered. Yep.

SPEAKER_01 16:57

And so I just I thought it was a conversation worth having today because it's something that's near and dear to my heart, is to go, I want to be really great at my interpersonal relationships. Yes. But I so much more want to be better at my relationship with God. And how can I, in my own prayer life, ask God better questions instead of, God, what do you want me to do with my life? Why am I not asking him, God, what do you want me to say in this meeting today? Yes. God, what what do you want me to do to take care of my body today? God, what how should I approach this conversation with my spouse that feels uncomfortable and hard?

SPEAKER_02 17:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:38

God, how can I pray for my daughter? How can I help my son through this hard thing? Like, yeah, but instead we just pray and ask these like generalities of God when He's really inviting us to know Him. And I just know that when we ask better questions of God, He's gonna answer us.

SPEAKER_00 17:57

Yes, because God does hear and He wants to hear from His kids, just like we want to hear from our kids. Like the analogy you just started off with of like, you know, kids get in the car and it was like, Oh, hey, how was your day? I I just kind of picture God just like, even though I know what your day looked like, like, come on, like talk to me, inquire of me. Invite, invite. Yeah, like that connection is not one-sided. If you're finding your prayer life of like, God, I need all these things, I need you to help me, and I need you to do this fast, you know, like what? Like, I'm sure God in his goodness and sovereignty is of course 100% listening, but then it's like there's no connection and relationship that comes from that. I think that that is an incredible way to kind of help us, you know, be very inquisitive and ask better questions and just kind of pause, like you said. Like, I'm about to go have coffee with this woman that invited me out, like be really curious about her life and or I'm walking into this meeting, Lord, help me understand what are the questions I need to ask for wisdom, or you know, like be really strategic in that aspect before you kind of go into it. I know that there's certain things where like in the church lobby and like someone comes up to you and those things, but I think it's really good to have maybe like some some questions in your back pocket. Like you, like you mentioned when you go through Trader Joe's and you get like your, you know, your goods and your hummus and you're ready to go. And they're like, hey, what does the rest of your day look like? I mean, I hope it's a good one. You know, and so if you are listening for today, maybe kind of consider what those questions look like and what are the questions you're gonna have in your back pocket. So Ashley is always well done, friend. I'm always curious what you're gonna bring to the table for Team Not Tired, because I think that this is a great question to ask us and kind of throw the ball back to us. So if you are thinking, man, I always ask this question and it always proves really great results, leave it in the comment. Let us know because I'm curious what other questions that people have found that get a really good response. So let us know, leave us a review, and I hope that you will join us for the next episode on Team Not Tired.