SPEAKER_01 0:13

Hey team! Welcome back to another episode of Team Not Tired. I'm Ashley Earwood. And I'm Sharon Crawford. And we are so excited that you're tuning in today. We know that the holidays are quickly approaching, and we know that that usually means you're going to be put in some situations in the coming weeks around people that you might not always choose to want to be around. And as busy Christian women who are trying to run our race with grace at a sustainable pace, sometimes we can find ourselves in need of having some extra grace for the people around us.

SPEAKER_00 0:52

Yeah. And I want to talk about this today because we say this in our family. And sometimes it's a reminder. Sometimes it's a convicting thought. And sometimes it's just one of those things that we like to talk about, especially my husband and I, of just like, man, it's a great reminder. And so this is something that I want us to talk about. And our our saying in our house is it's an honor to love someone. And sometimes, like I said, it's a reminder of like we get to do this. And we get to honor someone through our love. And sometimes that's seeing people through the lens of empathy. And sometimes, like I said, it's a conviction of it's an honor to love someone. You know, like I love that. And being full transparent because sometimes some people are hard to love, especially during the holiday season, because there's a reason why we only see them maybe twice a year, and you're like, that was enough.

SPEAKER_01 2:04

It is, it's true. It's harder to love some people than others.

SPEAKER_00 2:09

Yeah. And and sometimes, you know, you gear up to those family, you know, dinners or holiday outings and and whatnot. And and sometimes we show up already in anticipation of like, oh, like and and I want to pose the question not only of seeing the lens of like it's an honor to love someone, but like, how are you showing up? Are you ready to connect or are you ready to argue? And I have a huge family, and I love being part of a big family. And like, do you? I do. I love it. I love being part of a huge and massive family because we do everything big because we have to. Like we love big, we have big celebrations, like when we literally get together, it's a big to-do. Like it's minimum 18 people, 20 people deep. And it's like the kids are now overtaking the grown-ups, you know? And I I love it is, it's a lot of a lot of fun. And and yet, you know, there are certain dynamics. And I know that my family is not unique, even though I think that we're pretty awesome. I would say that we're not unique in in some of these things that we have within our family and our makeup. And, you know, I know that there's some things that in our family, like, oh, you look healthy, like actually means you mean I look fat. You know, like those, but those are you know, like those family sayings, right? Of like, oh, I know when I see this person, they're gonna ask me, like, why are you not married? Why are you still single? You know, like when are you guys gonna have kids? Like, and so that's where it's like, I don't want to argue with you. Yeah, I want to show up and love you, but then sometimes I want to hit you in your face.

SPEAKER_01 4:22

That's a really good point because we can show we get to choose how we show up a hundred percent. And we can walk into you know, that family dinner or that, you know, end of the year staff party, or you know, whatever, whatever it is, the PTA dinner, and and already come in defensive or already come in with an expectation of how the evening's gonna go. You can already come in kind of with an attitude, or you can choose to come in ready, prepared, bring in peace, yeah, you know, walk in joy, no matter who you're gonna come into contact with. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:07

And and making room for empathy, because families aren't perfect, right? Some some of us are carrying grief, loneliness, disappointment, stress, and and all kinds of different personalities with all kinds of different expectations. And and yet when you see through a lens of empathy, it makes room to love someone. And you know, producer Blake is someone that I get to see and witness on a regular basis lead through empathy, and it helps me see that. And he's the one that kind of brought the saying to our family of like, it's an honor to love someone, and and he does it so well, especially when my girls are having a hard moment. He's so quick to show empathy and yet firmness in that of like, he's not necessarily a pushover, he's showing what is necessary and needed for those moments. And so sometimes he will scoop up the girls and just hold them and let them cry. And when it comes to our our extended family, you know, we might not be scooping them up and letting them cry in our arms, but maybe if we make space for that, if we look through a lens of empathy and and letting them know, like, hey, I I can be a safe place, but you can't walk all over me. And I I think that empathy helps us pause before we react. That's good. And I I think that in our family, we're very quick, like we're all very quick wit. And I I think one of the things that I have chosen not to respond with sarcasm. I even teach this in my teams, like there's real no place for it in the workplace, but sometimes you're like, I can't help myself, this is pretty funny. But like sarcasm can be distorted, and people will find it funny for a time, and then now's not the time for sorry, you know. So I think that like it it's one of those things I've decided that like I I just can't do with certain people. And I think that it's important that we show up with intention of like this is the lens that I'm going to see through. I'm going to see through a lens of empathy. I'm going to choose, and it might not be sarcasm. You might choose something else. But I think that when we show up with great intention through a healthy lens of like empathy, but then also I get to love these people that are right in front of me the way that Jesus Christ is asking us to do. Right. And sometimes that's really hard. That's really hard. And yet we're we're commanded to do it. And it says in John 13, 34 through 35, and I want to read this. A new commandment I give to you that you love one another just as I have loved you. You also are to love one another by this. All people will know that you are my disciples if you have love for one another. It does not say if you like everyone. It does not say if they're kind back to you. Right. It does not say if they give you grace and mercy that you should just not love them. It says that we should. We are commanded to do just that. And and I think sometimes when it comes to family dynamics or seeing people at holiday, you know, parties and the stress of it leading up to this year and whatever it might be, there's already a lot of pressure. And so you can kind of take the edge off and know that, like, hey, I'm gonna go with the intention of connecting with people. And I think when you're around people, that familiarity comes in. And so we're not naturally curious about that person anymore because it's like, oh, that's just my brother. Oh, that's just my sister. Like, instead of like, hey, how's it really going?

SPEAKER_01 9:50

Yeah. Or not giving room to allow people to change. You know, I I think about this a lot when I have conversations with like old college friends, right? Where we we'll talk about stuff or we'll connect on things that we used to. And there's a lot of times where I realize I'm like, oh, I've grown so much. I'm such a different person. Yeah, I'm still Ashley, but I've learned so much more. I've refined, you know, those weak spots or like, you know, kind of harsh points of my personality. And you think about how much you yourself hopefully have grown in a year, in two years, in five years. And yet sometimes we don't allow that of other people to go, oh, you're you've probably improved since I saw you last year. Oh, you've probably learned some lessons. You know, maybe, maybe I don't have to keep you in that box that I've put you in. Yeah. Thinking that your personality is always gonna be the same. You know, we have to, it's part of that empathy is allowing people to change and to grow, ourselves included.

SPEAKER_00 11:02

Yeah, because we are thankfully not the same. We should be being transformed. Right? Yes, we definitely should be. And like I'm also not the 16-year-old kid I once was, thankfully. And and this is not to, you know, say put yourself in in an unsafe situation with family or whatnot, like, or people that aren't safe. This is, you know, sometimes it's just one of those things of family is very familiar, and and sometimes it we what is it, a soft and gentle response can bring down a very heightened situation or conversation. And and it says in Romans 12:12, we can overcome evil with good. We can interrupt a familiar argument with something that is a gentle response. And we don't have to respond to every argument by showing up and showing out, like we don't have to, we we can choose to see through this lens of empathy and love because like this holiday season, you know, because I have such a big family, like our family is ever changing and growing, and yet their purpose and calling might call them to move, and that's what's happening. And so I'm thinking through like, man, this this is gonna be, you know, last year was the last Christmas we were all together, and that's gonna change this year. And and yet, if I would have known what I know now, would I have savored it? Would I have showed up differently? Would I loved bigger in those moments? Because just like me, I'm sure I'm not alone in this. Like, this is gonna be the first Christmas of of certain things that are gonna be new. Or, you know, I I have siblings that lost a parent this year, and so this is the first year, you know, like, and we all even our listeners are walking through maybe something that's new, and maybe, you know, it's like if I would have known I was in the best of days, right, right, then I would have showed up differently. Instead of that, like, why don't we show up with great love and empathy and say it's an honor to love you even when you're acting a fool.

SPEAKER_01 13:37

Well, it's that it's the idea of like I can love you, but maybe I don't like you right now. Yeah. It's okay, it's okay to recognize that, oh, this person, I I don't have to be their best friend in order to love them. I talk with that with my kids about stuff like that a lot. To go, oh, you can still show up and treat that person with respect and kindness and care, but it doesn't mean that you have to be their best friend. Those those things can be separate. And it's just a I think it's just a good reminder and it gives people kind of a relief to go, oh, loving someone doesn't always mean you're just gonna like everything about them, but you can still care for them and love them like Jesus. Whether that means you're BFFs and spending so much time together, there's a difference.

SPEAKER_00 14:32

There's a there's a big difference. And so for this particular holiday season, I just want to maybe challenge us. And I I know like it's it's such a larger conversation of what an honor it is to love someone, and it there's so many different things that you know you can kind of apply this to, but specifically with this holiday season of just like showing up with empathy, showing up in in an inquisitive mindset of like I'm gonna maybe learn something new about someone, and then I'm gonna learn to empathize with someone that I know is difficult to love because maybe they are caring different things, and and yet I can show up with another opportunity to love the people in my life. We may remember what an honor it is to love like Jesus for the grace that he's given us. And man, do I not deserve it? Even in my worst of days, I don't deserve it. And yet he emptied himself, he pursued me, and he thought it was an honor to love me so much so that he gave his life for me, a sinner. And I'm so thankful. I'm so thankful.

unknown 15:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:54

I love that. That's a great reminder for us, Shireen, as we go into the holiday season, and all of us can probably picture in our head right now, maybe a family member, we got a list, or or some people that we know that we're gonna be put into social situations with, and that might cause a little stress, cause a little anxiety. And I would encourage you right even now to start praying in advance for that interaction, for that person, and really just try to reframe, like Shereen said, of what is your role in that interaction this year? How can you come into that social setting showing care, showing love like Jesus? And and what does God have in you that that person might need? And I think as you pray, you're really gonna be able to see and to sense God's hand. And I think it's gonna give you a greater empathy and care for those people that might be a little bit harder to love. So thanks for tuning in. We're praying for you. And we know that this holiday season, while it carries a lot of joy, can also carry some stress. And so we just want to encourage you on Team Not Tired that you don't have to carry that alone, that you can share it not just with us, but with Jesus. He's there to carry it with you and to be your strength in hard seasons. So until next time, team.